Is it ethical to tell a friend a different meeting time?

Everyone has that friend who is perpetually late. Whether it’s showing up 45 minutes late to dinner or claiming they “lost track of time” before a big event, these situations can be frustrating.

Recently, a TikTok user shared her experience of arriving 22 minutes early to a dinner reservation, only to find out her friends had made it for 30 minutes later than she was told. While some commenters sympathized, others argued that being on time is a basic sign of respect.

Understanding Different Definitions of ‘On Time’

Etiquette experts suggest that communication is key when dealing with friends who have varying standards of punctuality. As Lisa Grotts states, “Communicate expectations early and remain adaptable, knowing that what may seem late to you could be right on time for someone else.”

People’s backgrounds influence their perceptions of time. Some may have been raised to always arrive early, while others may have a more relaxed approach. This discrepancy can lead to misunderstandings and feelings of disrespect.

Is Deception Acceptable?

When it comes to telling a friend a different meeting time, the ethics of such actions can be complex. Taya Cohen, a professor of organizational behavior, suggests considering how friends would feel if they discovered the truth. Intention plays a crucial role in determining whether such a choice is right or wrong.

However, Brad Fulton advises against lying, as it often leads to more complications. Confronting a friend about their tardiness can also be tricky, as it may lead to accusations of being controlling.

Tips for Handling Tardiness

If you’re struggling with a late friend, consider these strategies:

• Ask for their help: Before the event, mention something important happening at the start to encourage punctuality.
• Start on time: Even if guests are late, beginning the event sends a clear message.
• Create incentives: Offer rewards for those who arrive on time to encourage punctuality.
• Be patient: Understand that everyone has different backgrounds and may not share the same values regarding time.
• Consider telling an earlier time: If necessary, communicate an earlier start time, but be prepared for potential awkwardness if they arrive on time.