How to move on from your ex?

Seeing your ex puts your breakup in the spotlight

Seeing your ex on reality TV or social media can stir up mixed emotions, according to Carrie Cole, a licensed mental health counselor. “There is anger, hurt and maybe even embarrassment, especially if other people and their friends are witnessing this,” she says.

This can bring up feelings of “inadequacy and shame,” adds Gigi Engle, a certified sex and relationship psychotherapist and sex expert at the LGBTQIA+ dating app Taimi. “It can be confronting to see somebody who used to be such a big part of your life moving on in such a public way,” Engle says.

Remember that you can’t control their actions

Gary Lewandowski, a psychology professor at Monmouth University, emphasizes that their actions are not about you. “You can’t control whether your partner goes on reality TV. You can’t control what they post on social media,” he says.

Instead, remind yourself that you broke up for a reason, and their moving on doesn’t change that. Lewandowski suggests writing a list of reasons why the breakup is a good thing to reflect on later.

Limit your screen time

Cole, Engle, and Lewandowski all suggest getting offline and steering away from triggers that stir up negative emotions. Engle says it’s okay to mute mutual friends on social media, and Cole adds that you can unfollow your ex or any other upsetting content.

Tune in to your emotions

Practicing self-care and emotional regulation exercises can help ease stress stemming from a breakup. Engle recommends “box breathing,” a nervous system regulation exercise that consists of breathing in four counts.

Avoid speaking poorly of your ex — or speaking about them at all

“A lot of times we haven’t fully processed a breakup and the trauma can still feel really active when we see them in such a publicized arena,” Engle says. Lewandowski encourages avoiding negative talk about an ex, as it keeps them in your thoughts and occupies emotional energy.